Home, home, what can I say...it was weird, but also kind of great, with a splash of fatigue and a dash of regret.
I went home on December 22nd for the holidays (and being a Unitarian, I pretty much mean all of them: Christmas, Winter Solstice [although I missed it], Hanukkah, Kwanza [I’m kidding about this one], and New Years)
I woke up on the 22nd after a whole week of snow to find that it was, surprise surprise, still snowing. Only this time, it was snowing all over Japan and not just Ato reeking havoc left and right. My first train to shin-yamaguchi was just a touch late but I was not worried because I still managed to catch the earlier shinkansen. I fell asleep on the shink and when I got on the LOOOOONG line to buy my ticket for the train from shin-osaka to the airport I realized that the train had taken a whole hour longer than expected and I was nearing the danger zone. The line creeped along and I made friends with an auzzie also stressing about her flight. When we ran down the stairs to our train time was very slim and we cut the line. I’m not saying I feel good about it, but it’s what I had to do. A not-so-very-nice gaijin male proceeded to give us a guilt trip about how there were many people waiting for the train and we had just cut them. It worked. I then proceeded to stand next to him in the space between cars for the next hour as we creeped along to the airport. I felt awful and anxious. When I got to the airport I broke into a run. I gathered my suitcase and proceeded to the counter where I was stuck with yet another line. At this point (not even through security) I had about 30 minutes till takeoff. I don’t know how it happened, but I made it on the plane. To add to my anxiety, I was flying to Newark and as far as I knew, there was still a transit strike going on in NYC. I had no idea how Anne was going to pick me up, but I had faith and didn’t let it bother me too much and low and behold, she was there waiting as soon as I got out of the gate.
I don’t know why I ever thought I would have down time on this trip home because it was not that kind of trip. Don’t get me wrong, it was fun and busy and crazy, but in no way relaxing. That first week was a whirlwind of family, old friends, Christmas, Hanukkah, dentist, and eye doctor. Every morning I was waking up early and every night I was staying up late. To top it off, something compelled me to join my neighbor’s gym for a free week and go with her at 6am before she went to work. My mother caught a cold shortly after I arrived and of course she blamed it all on me. I didn’t really mind too much that she was constantly moaning about “VICTORIA’S cold” because it meant that she took 4 sick days and I actually got to see her. My neighbor Nancy was constantly popping in and the phone never stopped ringing (mostly for my mom) and it felt great to be back in a family house again. Although it was hard not having a room or any privacy, it was great. I love how Nancy and my mom’s other friends have no reserve about just popping over and that they do so often enough that they feel comfortable helping themselves to whatever they want.
I went to Lennon’s twice, the bar in my town where all my HS friends hang out when they are home, and that was enough. It was pretty crazy and weird, but twice was enough. I bumped into a really quiet guy from my Bio class freshmen year, and Tom, an old friend who has moved far away. I also saw George and we managed to mend the fight we were in the middle of. To the friends I had penciled in before leaving Japan: Rosey, Viv, Sarah, Jamie and Eleanor, Amanda, Krissy, and Eugene: It was really great to see you all! To everyone else I managed to see along the way: I’m so glad we were able to catch up.
One regret I do have is that I only got to see the Shubert’s (the family I grew up babysitting for) for one day. Back when I lived in Port I would see them very often and even when I lived in the city I still went by there a few times a month. It is hard not seeing them all the time, but I really could only give each person one day. I miss the times I would hang out at their house all day and all night, but I’m sure I will have more of those once I get back.
I guess this describes how I felt a lot of the time when I was home. As Sarah so eloquently put in her blog “I have seen friends and family. Mainly once each. You give people a taste of you and they want more and more. Sometimes they get mad at you if you can’t be with them all the time. Most of the time I feel like a disappointment.”
Over the course of the two weeks I was home, I felt like this quite a few times. I felt like a bad friend. I had some very memorable times, but I also had some times that I regret...times when someone hailed a taxi and I had to get in and not say goodbye to the rest, times when I was just too tired to listen intently to a friend’s description of her work. I did get to spend a few days with my sister, but I wish there had been more. I am content with the time I spent with my mom. We speak to each other fairly often while I’m in Japan (okay, embarrassingly often), and being home felt like it hadn’t been that long. (And if you count the 9 jetlagged numb days of the funeral, I guess it wasn’t that long). We got to cuddle and we got to fight and we even got to stay up till 2am the night before I left while she taught me how to do a double crochet and find some wool for me giggling all the while.
I also had a very relaxing day with Viv food shopping and cooking a 4 course meal chatting like the old friends we are the whole while, sans awkwardness.
It was really great seeing Jamie and Eleanor (past Yamaguchi JETs) in NY. We walked around doing New Yorky things like Rockefeller Center, Cheesecake and Egg-creams and met up with Ann (another past yamaguchian) at the revolving bar at the top of the Marriot in Times Square. They are doing really well and it made me so happy to see that. That night we went to a friend’s show (The Midnight Show) at the Mercury Lounge and had a really great time. It was great to see some live music, especially played by some old friends, and catch up with others I hadn’t seen since leaving 18 months ago. In many ways, when I saw people it didn’t feel like I had been gone very long. The funeral gave me a taste of America so that this time it didn’t feel so foreign and thus it shocked me to see how long people’s hair had gotten/how tall Raychel and Jacob had grown/etc. because it really didn’t feel like I had been gone all that long. I remember everyone (not so much their current jobs or apt. location), but it feels as if a month or so had passed and not a year and a half. Speaking with Syd about this she said “Ummmm, no. You’re wrong. It has been a long time”. Perhaps because my real life is so extremely different the life back in NY feels as if it just paused while I was gone. Almost like a ripple in the fabric of my life to make Japan just a little bubble that you can glide right over and not notice on the surface. It will always be with me, but I don’t know how drastically being in Japan will change the course of my life. But then again, I have no idea where I will go from here, so maybe I will be a pleated skirt with many experiences always coming back to visit my mom in NY until one day I drag her away (or move back).
It was a good trip and I am still undecided about my recontracting decision. I thought that going back would hammer in the nail that is telling me it is time to leave, but it didn't. America is a strange place and I love being in such an international community here in Japan. Also I felt so small in America. I bought a jacket sized childrens 14-16. I went to a movie with my grandma and my legs dangled the whole time. It was not comfortable. Maybe I should buy some platform shoes.
I miss everyone back home and I look forward to seeing all you Yamaguchi people soon.
It is time to leave work and go home to dig my car out (before it snows again and I’m totally screwed) so I must stop here. Pictures to come soon.
